Cool Story, Cis

I was actually getting close to launching something.Pioneer Pill wasn’t just an idea anymore. I was finally moving on it. And right around that time, everything started getting messy again.

Jenks Southeast Elementary had been circling for a while. The first recruiter I talked to got fired. Then Devin came in and actually seemed to like me. She got fired too. Eventually I went through an onsite with Sean. I left feeling like it went okay. There was one question I didn’t have a clean answer for, so I just said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to think about that.” I figured being honest was the right move.

They never followed up.

That was the fifth time something like this happened with them. Different recruiters, same result. I know Tim ended up getting hired. I know Carson was told no but still got contracted. The whole thing felt sloppy and careless.

And right in the middle of all of it — while I was trying to stay focused on getting Pioneer Pill off the ground — Mo came back into my life.

Of course he did.

Around that same time I was already in a weird headspace. I started getting hit with a bunch of random spam — stuff like djacademy and other weird messages. There was also some crypto scam nonsense happening in one of the Discords I was in. On top of that, there were people making documentaries about me. It felt like everything was loud and invasive at the exact moment I was trying to build something that was actually mine.

I ended up emailing Sean while I was in that state. I know it probably came off unhinged. I was talking about Amsterdam and Sony and whatever else was spinning in my head. Looking back, I wish I hadn’t sent it, but I also know I wasn’t in a good place.

I’m not writing this to say I handled everything perfectly. I know I was reactive. But I also know what it feels like when things keep showing up right when you’re trying to move forward. It’s not just Jenks. It’s not just Mo. It’s the pattern. Every time I get close to building something that belongs to me, something or someone from before finds a way to reappear and pull my attention.

I know the people involved saw what was happening. Some of them are probably still watching. That’s fine. I just wanted to say it clearly for once.I was trying to do something. And right when I was getting close, the same old cycle showed up again.